There are some things that I let go of a long time ago that changed my sexuality and pleasure. It impacted on my relationships, with my sexuality, my body, my lovers It really is about letting go of the need and making things more choice.
Not from a space of judgement, not that any of these are bad or wrong, they're beautiful, amazing expressions of masculine energy.
The need limits them, shuts us down in many ways, narrows our experience, disconnects us from the amazing possibility that lives within us.
Here they are.
The need to control the experience.
The need to have an erection.
The need to have an ejaculation.
The need to perform.
On one level, simple.
On another, deeply ingrained.
And very linked to the definition we have of who we are as men, as how we need to be, sexually, emotionally, erotically, sensually.
There's something interesting in this, the way we are sexually is often the way we are in other areas of life.
When need, especially of these aspects of our pleasure become a choice, become a natural expression of presence, of the presence of an experience, something radically changes within us, between us.
Freedom lands, the freedom to be who we are, not when we think we should be, not who we've become conditioned to be.
Not the porn model, the movie model.
Rather the intimate, connected, present man of body, heart and spirit.
We're more than our need to have an erection, much more.
We're more than our need to perform, much more.
We're more than our need to control the experience, to end in the same way every time, much more.
We're more than our need to judge ourselves, and our pleasure experience, based on an external idea of how it should be, that is actually quite far from how we really are, how our bodies and hearts really work.
We're more, much more than sexual performers, which actually keeps our lovers into a reactive pattern of limited sensation, feeling and energy.
In keeping ourselves in this narrow and limited expression and expectation, we've done the same to our partners.
The judgement, the shame, the embarrassment we've put on ourselves when our sexuality, our bodies, ‘don't work’, is enormous and deep.
In this we've taken on and accepted that there are such narrow criteria for how we identify as sexual beings.
There is so much more.
There's an objectification in this, a disconnect between body and heart. The objectification is that we're machines, robots.
And our lovers become the same, the expectation of performance, reaction, outcome, goal, achievement.
It takes us out of presence, out of intimacy.
And out of possibility.
I teach a lot of questions for enquiry, and some of them become valuable here.
What else is there?
How would I like to feel, what would I, and we, like to have between us?
What really matters in this moment, in this experience?
What else is there…A limitless field of possibility, of touch, of sensation, of feeling, of energy.
A whole body that has the most wonder-full capacity for pleasure.
A world of intimacy that's revealing, connecting, opening.
Energy that offers a life-long exploration of what's within us, of creativity and vitality.
The invitation of pleasure never ends, and keeps offering more.
Orgasms are fantastic.
Erections are beautiful, powerful.
Giving our lovers pleasure is amazing, sacred even.
When it's out of, and driven by need, there's no real giving in it. It's my need for you to have a certain experience, a certain reaction, to fulfill something in myself that's more ego than heart, than presence.
In choice, in freedom, there's a flow of what's here now, within us, between us. There's a dance of invite and surrender.
There's a release, and often the relief of it is palpable, of how it should be, into how it is, how we are.
Who we are, lovers.
This isn't by any means a recipe to change everything that's so deep and complex.
It might just bring ourselves to ask who we are as sexual beings, where is our sexuality coming from within, and how do we choose to express it?
It might begin to move us from a conditioned, patterned way of acting to a more present, connected, way of being.
It might open a channel of intimacy, within us, between us, that takes us out of the porn/movie model into a different expression of our sexuality.
There is beauty, elegance, wisdom within us men.
For it to be present requires a different relationship with ourselves, with our minds, bodies, hearts.
With our sexuality, sensuality and eroticism.
From need, it can be nothing other than it is.
From choice, possibility opens.
It's an intimacy with ourselves, with presence, with awakens that invites us into an unknown space.
A space of connection and pleasure that is always flowing, shifting, with life, with love.
As life, as love.
jontisearll
The need limits them, shuts us down in many ways, narrows our experience, disconnects us from the amazing possibility that lives within us.
Here they are.
The need to control the experience.
The need to have an erection.
The need to have an ejaculation.
The need to perform.
On one level, simple.
On another, deeply ingrained.
And very linked to the definition we have of who we are as men, as how we need to be, sexually, emotionally, erotically, sensually.
There's something interesting in this, the way we are sexually is often the way we are in other areas of life.
When need, especially of these aspects of our pleasure become a choice, become a natural expression of presence, of the presence of an experience, something radically changes within us, between us.
Freedom lands, the freedom to be who we are, not when we think we should be, not who we've become conditioned to be.
Not the porn model, the movie model.
Rather the intimate, connected, present man of body, heart and spirit.
We're more than our need to have an erection, much more.
We're more than our need to perform, much more.
We're more than our need to control the experience, to end in the same way every time, much more.
We're more than our need to judge ourselves, and our pleasure experience, based on an external idea of how it should be, that is actually quite far from how we really are, how our bodies and hearts really work.
We're more, much more than sexual performers, which actually keeps our lovers into a reactive pattern of limited sensation, feeling and energy.
In keeping ourselves in this narrow and limited expression and expectation, we've done the same to our partners.
The judgement, the shame, the embarrassment we've put on ourselves when our sexuality, our bodies, ‘don't work’, is enormous and deep.
In this we've taken on and accepted that there are such narrow criteria for how we identify as sexual beings.
There is so much more.
There's an objectification in this, a disconnect between body and heart. The objectification is that we're machines, robots.
And our lovers become the same, the expectation of performance, reaction, outcome, goal, achievement.
It takes us out of presence, out of intimacy.
And out of possibility.
I teach a lot of questions for enquiry, and some of them become valuable here.
What else is there?
How would I like to feel, what would I, and we, like to have between us?
What really matters in this moment, in this experience?
What else is there…A limitless field of possibility, of touch, of sensation, of feeling, of energy.
A whole body that has the most wonder-full capacity for pleasure.
A world of intimacy that's revealing, connecting, opening.
Energy that offers a life-long exploration of what's within us, of creativity and vitality.
The invitation of pleasure never ends, and keeps offering more.
Orgasms are fantastic.
Erections are beautiful, powerful.
Giving our lovers pleasure is amazing, sacred even.
When it's out of, and driven by need, there's no real giving in it. It's my need for you to have a certain experience, a certain reaction, to fulfill something in myself that's more ego than heart, than presence.
In choice, in freedom, there's a flow of what's here now, within us, between us. There's a dance of invite and surrender.
There's a release, and often the relief of it is palpable, of how it should be, into how it is, how we are.
Who we are, lovers.
This isn't by any means a recipe to change everything that's so deep and complex.
It might just bring ourselves to ask who we are as sexual beings, where is our sexuality coming from within, and how do we choose to express it?
It might begin to move us from a conditioned, patterned way of acting to a more present, connected, way of being.
It might open a channel of intimacy, within us, between us, that takes us out of the porn/movie model into a different expression of our sexuality.
There is beauty, elegance, wisdom within us men.
For it to be present requires a different relationship with ourselves, with our minds, bodies, hearts.
With our sexuality, sensuality and eroticism.
From need, it can be nothing other than it is.
From choice, possibility opens.
It's an intimacy with ourselves, with presence, with awakens that invites us into an unknown space.
A space of connection and pleasure that is always flowing, shifting, with life, with love.
As life, as love.
jontisearll
