To break my life working, to get up when something knocks me down, to swallow what I feel and keep walking like nothing.
To endure the blows and insults he didn't deserve, to face problems that others dodge.
I have balls to carry blame, to make me strong, to hold my world even though I'm falling apart.
But there's something I could never do.
Something that burns me inside, that still haunts me whenever memories invade me.
And it's that I never had enough balls to ask my old man, why did he beat my mom when I was a kid?
I could never... i could never look him in the eyes, open his mouth, and tell him everything that broke me. Never.
I couldn't tell him my legs were shaking every time I heard the tone of his voice rise.
I couldn't tell her that my childhood smelled of fear,
behind closed doors,
to sleepless nights,
to tears no one wanted to see.
I grew up.
I became strong, yeah.
I have learned to protect mine
I learned to control my anger, not to repeat their story, not to become what marked mine.
But whenever I remember, there's a knot in my chest that I never managed to untie. A question that never left my throat: Why?
Why did you raise them hands up
to the woman who loved you?
Why did you make us witnesses?
de algo que nunca debimos ver?
Why'd you let me grow up with that fear stuck in my throat, stuck in my skin?
I don't get it.
How can you be so cruel to the one who loves you, to whom you trust, to whom you sleep next to.
How do I learn to move on with my life silently carrying these wounds?... How?
Now, I'm already a made man, with stories and scars.. I faced so much, I carried mountains, I survived storms, I couldn't face the man who taught me to tremble.
And you know... one grows up, but the fear of that child still lingers inside, quiet, watching that scene, hiding in that corner... that he will never be able to forget. And it hurts, it hurts so much, because it wasn't just the blow, it was the silence afterwards, the pretended normality. Pretending that everything is fine, with that terror in the body and that forced smile.
Yeah, I too had a cruel childhood.... And even though that's a mistake, even though it doesn't erase what happened, it also taught me what kind of man
i never want to be.
—I like Chaos✍🏻(Dec. 12. 2025)
I have balls to carry blame, to make me strong, to hold my world even though I'm falling apart.
But there's something I could never do.
Something that burns me inside, that still haunts me whenever memories invade me.
And it's that I never had enough balls to ask my old man, why did he beat my mom when I was a kid?
I could never... i could never look him in the eyes, open his mouth, and tell him everything that broke me. Never.
I couldn't tell him my legs were shaking every time I heard the tone of his voice rise.
I couldn't tell her that my childhood smelled of fear,
behind closed doors,
to sleepless nights,
to tears no one wanted to see.
I grew up.
I became strong, yeah.
I have learned to protect mine
I learned to control my anger, not to repeat their story, not to become what marked mine.
But whenever I remember, there's a knot in my chest that I never managed to untie. A question that never left my throat: Why?
Why did you raise them hands up
to the woman who loved you?
Why did you make us witnesses?
de algo que nunca debimos ver?
Why'd you let me grow up with that fear stuck in my throat, stuck in my skin?
I don't get it.
How can you be so cruel to the one who loves you, to whom you trust, to whom you sleep next to.
How do I learn to move on with my life silently carrying these wounds?... How?
Now, I'm already a made man, with stories and scars.. I faced so much, I carried mountains, I survived storms, I couldn't face the man who taught me to tremble.
And you know... one grows up, but the fear of that child still lingers inside, quiet, watching that scene, hiding in that corner... that he will never be able to forget. And it hurts, it hurts so much, because it wasn't just the blow, it was the silence afterwards, the pretended normality. Pretending that everything is fine, with that terror in the body and that forced smile.
Yeah, I too had a cruel childhood.... And even though that's a mistake, even though it doesn't erase what happened, it also taught me what kind of man
i never want to be.
—I like Chaos✍🏻(Dec. 12. 2025)
