If what she received from her father was little or nothing at all

That’s why the deeper the wound,
the more she experiences a man’s support as a threat.
She can’t accept his help.
His advice and opinion feels like an attack.
His presence is a burden.
She feels the need to prove she doesn’t need him…
… no matter how devoted he is.
The real problem, however, is that while she pushes away those who could be good for her,
she pulls in those who don’t threaten her abandoned identity.
And so she repeats painful experiences.
She micromanages. She provides.
She holds him.
Because she knows how to overgive,
but not how to receive.
Her nervous system is used to survival.
And that’s why she often feels safer with a man
who betrays her, who takes more than he gives
and who doesn’t have the capacity to lead her out of overfunctioning.
She is used to being depleted,
while pushing away the care she actually deserves.
To open that place in her heart that could receive again,
she would need to become aware that she was never guilty for not earning it.
But that she became this way
because she never had the chance to experience her own worth.
So the first step toward change
is allowing herself to grieve, for as long as she needs.
When that spot opens,
she slowly will feel like deserving it finally.
And thus, the man who‘s truly meant for her.
Without needing to keep him at a distance anymore.
~ Rafael Sontaya