You didn’t create your wounds, but you are responsible for healing them.

Abandonment, rejection, humiliation. Being conditioned to believe that your feelings don’t matter. Believing that you aren’t good enough. Whatever your personal wounds are, and we all have them, most of them were laid down early. By bumbling parents trying their best, or ones with a darker edge. By family or friends of the family. By kids at school who bullied you. Almost no-one escapes unscathed and now here you are as an adult, and your wounds are following you around like a bad smell that is really hard to get rid of. You get uncontrollably triggered by all kinds of weird things that cause you to act in all kinds of weird ways. It sucks… because actually you are just trying real hard to be a good person, to love and be loved and get on with life but these wounds just keep bumping into stuff and exploding like land mines that live inside you. You didn’t even put the damn wound there… someone else did. Someone else _hurt_ you in a way that left a scar, and now that repercussions of that scar is causing damage in your life. The cruel paradox is that even though you didn’t choose the wound, you have to heal it. No-one else is coming to save you.
No-one else can. Not mummy. Not daddy.
Not your wife or husband.
Not your new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Not even your therapist. Sure… all of them _can_ help, to a degree.
And… you _do_ need someone to heal your attachments wounds with. But you are the one that has to initiate it, and the healing has to happen inside you. That’s the only place it _can_ happen. You are the one that has to stretch past the impulsive and dramatic reaction and instead ask for reassurance and say _“I’m feeling insecure and I’d really love to hear you tell me you care about me” _ and let it in when they do, and let it touch that place that hurts inside and soothe it. You have to let it rewire your nervous system. A partner can’t do anything except say the words or take the actions… and even then, they have their own wounds they are trying to figure out. You didn’t create the wound, but you have to be the one to heal it. The divine payoff is that when you do, you become healed in a way that is actually more profound than if you were never hurt in the first place. The wondrous thing is that wounds come with superpowers. Enhanced empathy, accelerated attunement, powerful presence. As you heal… you get to keep those powers. And if you take healing seriously, these gifts will enhance your relationships from here on. ~ Damien Bohler
(written by a human)