One of the biggest wounds I see people working with in personal growth and healing is the wound of self-abandonment in sex, intimacy and relationship.
I know that for me, the romantic relationships that I got into in my 20s are the things that brought me to the darkest places of my own psyche and self-abandonment because of how deep my desire was:
1) To choose.
2) To be loved.
3) To escape the circumstances of my life, I didn't think I had that power or the ability to change myself on my own. At a deep level I had this idea that being chosen by a man in intimate and sexual partnership would save me from the fears of brokenness or inadequacy that lurked in the crevices of my consciousness-- ––limiting my own capacity to create and subtly sabotage my ability to embody the science that I have (and have) all the power to create and manifest within me. In short, I didn't trust myself to make decisions and take actions in my life that would move my reality in a direction that aligns with my dreams.
And because of this lack of confidence in Self, I would choose to partner with men who would reflect this lack of confidence I had in myself by attracting partners who didn’t trust me or would try to manipulate my perspective on reality
I take full ownership of this. I was a consenting participant in dynamics and even though my shadow and subconscious were running the show in many dynamics that involved me going to some very dark places within myself where I have no desire to return - ––eventually, if I wanted to break free from the pattern of being attracted to these male dynamics in my life (and I wanted it), I had to take full responsibility for my part in its creation.
Here's how it goes. The process of releasing these trauma-based relational patterns (where my own suffering addiction and my go-to for everything else ended up recreating similar scenarios in my life over and over again), has forced me to look deep into the places where I’ve held shame: 1) The decisions I have made up to that moment refer to men, sex, intimacy and partnership.
2) My desires (and sometimes fetishes) regarding my sexuality and sexual preferences.
3) The harm I’ve done to myself (or others in the process). Through my devotion to freeing myself from the hurt patterns of sexuality and intimacy SO I CAN BE A SOVEREIGN CREATOR IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, I have become very clear that my attachment and identification with shame in my life inhibits my ability to: 1) To forgive myself
2) I trust myself In this post, let's focus specifically on SELF TRUST because SELF FORGIVENESS is another big topic that I will address another time.
We cannot trust ourselves in places of shame.
And in places where we are not trusted AND ashamed, self-abandonment is likely to appear.
This is why releasing the shame around our sexuality is so important. Because if we allow shame to live there, we end up attracting or creating those experiences that reflect the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves in areas of life in which sexuality or sexual desire appears. Self-abandonment in sexuality is one of the deepest places where fragmentation of the self can occur, because of how deeply sexuality is connected to our essential self. Sexuality is what brought us into this world, and if we are ashamed of that truth, or the areas surrounding that truth, or not only captivates our ability to embrace the innocence of our own pleasure, but also capsizes our ability to experience and be in relationship with G O D
Let's restore sexuality to its rightful place at the table. As a deeply human experience and embodiment that is an access point to collective healing and reconnecting with the Divine. Arielle Rebecca Brown
Art: Pinterest
2) To be loved.
3) To escape the circumstances of my life, I didn't think I had that power or the ability to change myself on my own. At a deep level I had this idea that being chosen by a man in intimate and sexual partnership would save me from the fears of brokenness or inadequacy that lurked in the crevices of my consciousness-- ––limiting my own capacity to create and subtly sabotage my ability to embody the science that I have (and have) all the power to create and manifest within me. In short, I didn't trust myself to make decisions and take actions in my life that would move my reality in a direction that aligns with my dreams.
And because of this lack of confidence in Self, I would choose to partner with men who would reflect this lack of confidence I had in myself by attracting partners who didn’t trust me or would try to manipulate my perspective on reality
I take full ownership of this. I was a consenting participant in dynamics and even though my shadow and subconscious were running the show in many dynamics that involved me going to some very dark places within myself where I have no desire to return - ––eventually, if I wanted to break free from the pattern of being attracted to these male dynamics in my life (and I wanted it), I had to take full responsibility for my part in its creation.
Here's how it goes. The process of releasing these trauma-based relational patterns (where my own suffering addiction and my go-to for everything else ended up recreating similar scenarios in my life over and over again), has forced me to look deep into the places where I’ve held shame: 1) The decisions I have made up to that moment refer to men, sex, intimacy and partnership.
2) My desires (and sometimes fetishes) regarding my sexuality and sexual preferences.
3) The harm I’ve done to myself (or others in the process). Through my devotion to freeing myself from the hurt patterns of sexuality and intimacy SO I CAN BE A SOVEREIGN CREATOR IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE, I have become very clear that my attachment and identification with shame in my life inhibits my ability to: 1) To forgive myself
2) I trust myself In this post, let's focus specifically on SELF TRUST because SELF FORGIVENESS is another big topic that I will address another time.
We cannot trust ourselves in places of shame.
And in places where we are not trusted AND ashamed, self-abandonment is likely to appear.
This is why releasing the shame around our sexuality is so important. Because if we allow shame to live there, we end up attracting or creating those experiences that reflect the lack of confidence that we have in ourselves in areas of life in which sexuality or sexual desire appears. Self-abandonment in sexuality is one of the deepest places where fragmentation of the self can occur, because of how deeply sexuality is connected to our essential self. Sexuality is what brought us into this world, and if we are ashamed of that truth, or the areas surrounding that truth, or not only captivates our ability to embrace the innocence of our own pleasure, but also capsizes our ability to experience and be in relationship with G O D
Let's restore sexuality to its rightful place at the table. As a deeply human experience and embodiment that is an access point to collective healing and reconnecting with the Divine. Arielle Rebecca Brown
Art: Pinterest
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